Hollow and Lost
by GNess
Summary: She didn't know how to speak anymore, or even breathe. Was she breathing? It was hard to tell.


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Hollow and Lost

The words were ringing in her ears; she was seeing his mouth moving, but not hearing what he was saying. The world was spinning around and around and she grabbed onto the closest thing possible in order to keep herself upright. Sayid's hand shot out and steadied her as she felt her legs sink beneath her. She felt soft, warm sand on her exposed knees and she stared straight ahead, ignoring Sayid's soothing voice and Jack's urgent one.

They were saying her name. Over and over. She was hearing it, but couldn't find words to respond. She didn't know how to speak anymore, or even breathe. Was she breathing? It was hard to tell.

She blinked several times, her eyes finally focusing on the man in front of her.

"Shannon." His voice was steady, firm; his hand was on her arm. She blinked again. "Can you hear me?"

"What's wrong?" That was Sayid, she could recognize his voice, even though she couldn't see him. His voice sounded distant, but distinct.

"I think she's in shock." She saw a hand waving in front of her face, and she tried to focus on it, but found she couldn't. A headache was building, pounding against her temples as her throat closed over. She wanted to scream but knew that no sound would come.

"I'm fine." She finally found her voice, and to her own ears it sounded weird. Hollow, maybe. She sounded hollow and lost and not like herself. This was not happening. It was a dream. She'd wake up any minute now and find herself in her comfortable bed at home. The plane will not have crashed and none of this would be real.

She struggled to her feet, pushing off the hands that attempted to help her. Standing firmly on her own and gaining control of her voice, her limbs and her breathing, she looked directly at Jack, her eyes void of emotion.

"I want to see him."

Jack nodded, his eyes flicking to Sayid, and then back to her. "Okay," he said, starting to walk off, toward the caves. Shannon took off after him at a slow pace, feeling her heart pounding against her chest. They passed a group of what seemed to be half the island of survivors, but Shannon ignored them. They were smiling and laughing and she could see, out of the corner of her eye, Claire holding a baby. She felt tears building behind her eyes, but she blinked them back. She envied their careless laughter and their happy smiles.

Their world had not just crashed down around them. And she found herself hating them for it.

She followed Jack all the way to the caves, neither of them speaking. He stepped aside at the final moment, put a hand on her arm and squeezed gently before motioning her inside. She nodded, unable to do anything else. She felt he understood. If anyone could, it was him.

It was dark in the caves as she made her way through jutting rocks into the clearing. She was alone, except for the body laying on the makeshift gurney. Her breath caught in her throat and she dropped down beside him. Her knee hit a rock, but she didn't even feel it. She found she was completely numb all over. She stared at his lifeless body and suddenly she couldn't hold it in anymore. Her body was raked with sobs and tears rolled down her face, blurring her vision.

He had been the only one there for her. And he had been there every time she needed him. He'd been there when she hadn't needed him, as well. He'd seen her at her worst, and still found it in his heart to love her.

She knew her makeup was streaming down her face with her tears, but she didn't care. Her shoulders were shaking from the force of her crying, but she didn't try to stop herself.

Her fingers were trembling when she brought a hand up and placed it gently against his cheek. It was cold, and she retracted her hand quickly, as if she'd gotten an electric shock.

When she was younger, she remembered detesting him. As they grew up, she remembered merely hating him and then pitying him for falling in love with her. Then she'd used that to her advantage. She always got what she wanted.

Except this wasn't how it was supposed to be. She didn't want this.

She wished she'd treated him better. She wished she hadn't used him, hadn't made his life a living hell. She didn't have regrets until she saw him lying there, his eyes closed.

He'd been the only one to ever really love her. For who she was, and not what she was, or how she looked.

And she had truly loved him. Like a sister loves a brother. She just hoped he knew that.


End file.
